Posts Tagged ‘old’

Far from Me…

Posted: October 25, 2011 in Uncategorized
Tags: , , ,

I was talking with a friend the other day- talking about “feeling old.”  It’s weird because in my head, I know I’m not really all that old.  To some folks (my kids), I’m as old as dirt.  To others (my parents) I have my youth.  To me, I go back and forth between feeling older than I am (feeling like my stomach wants to reorganize my entire trunk every time I bend over to pick something up from under the kitchen table- coincidentally a sort of high-gravitational center in the local cosmos), and wondering when I’m going to finally grow up?  When will I have finally “arrived” as an adult?


Anyways, not wanting to spend too much time on that- but it strikes me as strange how we can carry simultaneously two ideas about who or what we are that are pretty much opposite and exclusive of each other.  I am old, and I am young.


It isn’t that strange really.  I also think of myself as forgiven.  And in the same moment, occasionally, like I couldn’t be further from God.  I wonder how could I possibly salvage this “relationship” I’m supposed to be having with the Creator of the universe.  Yet knowing that I am powerless to affect my standing in Christ’s grip.  And what an amazing truth that is.



Sometimes I wonder- if I’m half as close to God as I sound sometimes.  If I’m half as committed, half as wise, half as prayerful- if I’m half the “christian” that I think I sound sometimes.


I can’t believe how hard it is for me to really accept the truth about being Christian- especially in the face of the utter lie that we’ve swallowed in our culture about what it means.  What does “being Christian” mean to you?  How have you experienced “being Christian,” or, if you aren’t yourself comfortable with that tag, how have you experienced  other people “being Christian”?


If our answer first relates to how their (our) behaviors have failed to line up with our conception of moral goodness, you (I) am not alone.  You (I) am/are in excellent company in fact.  But we are all wrong.

Being Christian is two things:  Knowing that Jesus was everything he said He was.  Admitting it to ourselves.


Yes, there is a behavioral component.  A consequence of knowing deep in your person that Jesus is alive today, the Son of God, raised from death to a new kind, a most-real kind of reality, and that all things work together for His end, His cause- knowing that, your behavior, choices, risks, anxieties, and comforts- those things will change.  And your moral center will change.  It will become more and more a product of Jesus’ thinking, and less and less a product of OUR thinking.


But while I am still in corrupt-able flesh, I am faced with elements of the death that is currently in creation.  And it is a confrontation.  It is not inconsequential.  But it is not above me.  It is not in authority.  It is subject to Jesus the same as I am.  And my being subject to Jesus is my comfort.


Everything else is gravy.  I don’t say this to negate our mission.  Our mission is now, it’s here, and it’s literally the flesh on our faith.  No skin, no faith.  So don’t here what I’m saying as pie-in-the-sky, heaven-bound, this world is not my home, sticks-n-stones-may-break-my-bones, But Jesus-will-reward-me.  I’m not saying that.  What I am saying is that my connection to God is secure.  No matter how I’m feeling.



Maybe you’ve heard this before.  It “came” to me this morning.


I may feel far from God.  But God is never far from me.